While witnessing an augment during my English class and listening to how the conversation went along I was quite ashamed to say that I share the same generation with these people. The insults dropped and the words used had about the depth of a kiddie pool. With all the shame and remanding brain cells of my generation I created a list with the help of my great friend William Shakespeare of worthy insults and when and how to use them. (I am not responsible for weird looks, black eyes or punishments. Use with caution)
Normal Argument: “Hey! That's my desk dude get the hell out of it.”
“No, man. I got here first, instead of being such a bitch squealer, go take a shower and go find another desk.”
Improved Argument: Hey! Thats my desk, dude get the hell out of it”
“Thou puking pottle-deep codpiece , I have claimed this seat for my own. If you would like to have me removed, thou shall pull the desk from my cold death-ridden hands and even after doing so shall be haunted by my ghost. Perhaps instead of spending all your time worrying about a desk should go take care of some other issues...perhaps the putrid smell that surrounds your body?
“Eff off man.”
Normal Argument: “George, take out the trash or no video games”
“Moooooooomm, why can't you do it? You tell me I'm lazy but your the one who always asks me to do the damn chores.”
Improved Argument: “George, take out the trash or no video games”
“Mother, are you incapable of such small task that you must resort to asking your acne ridden adolescence son to do such petty tasks? Perhaps by setting a positive example I would pick it up but by being as equally as incompetent as me I will never learn.”
“*sighs*, just do it.”
Normal Argument: “Why do you eat so gross! Your like a dog.”
“*snickers* Well if I'm a dog, what the hell does that make your mom?”
Improved Argument:”Why do you eat so gross! Your like a dog.”
“Thy mother's of my generation. What's she, if I be a dog?"
“Thy mother's of my generation. What's she, if I be a dog?"
(Act I Scene 1 of Timon of Athens)
Rams and Hearts,
Joan Gabriel
