My day in crude illustrations .

Today was weird.

Not like normal, "oh shit I found a penny but it stuck to the ground omg so weird i should post a status about this" kind of weird. More like a grandpa window face planting, staying home,nine o clock birthday having, spongebob watching, mail never arriving weird.

Alright, so i'll start at the beginning. Some shenanigans including me offending some of my easily offended friends started yesterday. Stuff kind of snow balled down the hill and now I might as well legally change my name to Hitler because i'm liked just about as much. Then I wake up this morning scared shitless by my alarm clock which plays "No sleep till Brooklyn," from the Beastie Boys, (Punny right?). This sounds awesome as hell until it wakes you up and you're convinced that someone is yelling at you.

So I then proceed to run to the bathroom and puke my guts out, fun stuff. No idea why, but my dad let me stay home. I still get that feeling that you did when you were little when your parents told you that you could stay home from school. "HOLY SHIT THIS IS GOING TO BE FUCKLOADS OF FUN."

Yeah, seventeen in two days and still convinced that staying home is the best thing since god damn sliced bread. Anyways so I got to stay home to I went the hell back to bed. I guess I slept though the mail man knocking on the door because I didn't get my birthday presents that I ordered online. I've been waiting for three weeks so looking in the mail box and seeing that taunting "we missed you" shit that Purolator puts in there when you don't answer the door.  Condescending assholes. Seriously, I could of been dead in my bedroom and they just leave a goddamn note telling me to go pick it up and pay more money even though I already paid shipping! Seriously, its like that scene in The Catcher In The Rye, when Holden says that his gravestone will probably have "fuck you" written on it. Mine may as well.

               

So after waking up at eleven, I find out this devastating news and call my dad. He then gets my grandpa to pick me up and bring me to the Purolator place in my town. My grandpa is kind of on the looney side and when I say that I mean he's an absolute nut bar. I love him but holy nuts is he ever crazy. After getting there they proceed to tell me that they don't have it and my towns post office does instead. Which means I can't pick it up until tomorrow, well shit.

 Alright so i'm already frustrated but then my grandpa walks right into the goddamn glass window right beside the door. For whatever reason, he just did. I really had to exercise my self control because I wanted to laugh so hard he did seem pretty mad so I didn't. It hurts my stomach every time I think about it because it was hilarious. I'm a terrible person, so what?

          

Once he dropped me off I was such a wreck, I laughed for ten goddamn minutes. I really had to get it out of my system because I spent the entire ride home looking like I was going to die. I was licking my lips to try to muffle the laughter. So once my manic laughing attack was over, I did what any mature woman home alone would do. I watched Spongebob Squarepants in my kitty pajamas.

Moral of the story, I need to grow up, pick up my mail tomorrow and get some more mature pjs.