The future and everything like it.

Last night I had an epitome about several things. My choice of friends, my future, and most of all my education.
I've had it enforced in my brain that I need to go straight to university. Where now I really feel like I need to take some time to myself. Here i'm going to throw a cliche out there and say I need to find myself. I'd say there is no better way to do that then to go backpacking. Yet again i'm going to go for the cliche and say in Europe. Whatever, i'm sure its helped people before and that is why its so popular.
As for my friends, well if you want me to be there I will. However i'm not bending over backwards just to make you happy. I'm done with that. You can't expect other people to make you happy, you have to.

This dress is a result of OCD.

Hello there!  
This dress I am wearing right here I bought at a local thrift store. It's a silk vintage dress made in Italy. I love it but it was originally past my knees. I love the midi trend but it was far too long. I'm 5'4 so anything longer then two inches past my knees makes me look stumpy.
So at twelve last night I looked up some tutorials and decided to take the dive and hem it finally. I had only wore it once for a photo shoot at the original length.  So i did some research then got my sewing kit out and hand sewed to my desired length. I love it now! I've always loved red and wanted a go-to red dress. It reminds me of a slightly more vintage version of the dress Zooey Deschanel wore in the new girl.

You see it? 

Yeah. So today I went to school on two hours sleep rocking my improved dress, a tiny leather satchel (not shown) black tights, a black belt, and some tan shoes.  So I'm thinking I will keep doing outfit posts every once in a while. I just wanted to show my hard work!

Why I was late for school, (based on a true story)

Okay before I start here, if anyone still reads this i'm sorry for my absence I had to take care of me. I feel better and happier. I have gotten rid of anything and anyone who i feel like was hurting me. I feel better. Now back to my silly ramblings.

:)

I am not a morning person, and by 'not a morning person' I mean I can barely form understandable sentences until noon. Even then I need some sort of caffeine in my system. It's terrible I have the morning routine of a thirty six year old. Which wouldn't be bad if I wasn't seventeen.

This morning was like every other morning, I clicked the snooze button on my alarm clock three to many times and finally managed to drag myself out of my bed half an hour after my set time. On mornings like this, sleep is my demanding and time consuming mistress and I'm a sucker like Christopher Cross himself. After this my time to get ready is cut in half, I put together an outfit, put on my stockings, pin up my hair and get my hairspray.

So I thought, see this where things go horribly wrong. All my hair products are in a little basket on my vanity table. In order to understand what I proceeded to do here you need to know what dry shampoo is. Its basic purpose is to remove access oil from your hair when small amount are placed on the hair and to do what shampoo does. It's pretty much a white powder, which is quite visible on dark hair.

I being the walking dead in the morning that I am proceeded to grab the dry shampoo thinking it was my hairspray and sprayed my entire head with it. I gave myself quite a shock when I looked in the mirror to see my brown hair had turned nearly entirely white. I have got to say, not a very becoming look, I'm not looking forward to being old and turning gray. 
I then had to shower again to get the shampoo out. Never thought I would have to shampoo out shampoo! This is why I was late for first period class today.

I am.

Catlike,content curled up,

Book in hand, with opened eyes.

Still like a starry night, a comfortable silence.

Hiding in a wall of words.

A natural sense of clever wit. 

Yearning for a sense of flight,

Bright like a ray of sunshine

On a rainy day.

Oh deep-thinker, head in the clouds.

Worn down shoe soles of a new soul. 

Treat the earth as your map.

Undiscovered and stuck in a paper town.

Drive with limits, further each time.

Like a bird leaving her nest.

A wreath of scars, worn proudly. 

Soft as clouds.

Lost, but never confused.

A undiscovered direction, awaiting finding.

Schools vs. Prisons.

An observation from the perspective of a wall flower.

Here I am in a worn down stone walled room, I look to my left to see a girl with red hair with chunky blonde highlights to disguise the fact that she was born as what is known as a “ginger”. Her skinny face is made into a look that is a recognizable symbol for a gang that is spoken of indirectly “the preps”. The symbol is called the “the stink eye”, the most famous unspoken communication of higher authority, social and finical class. This girl is not alone, she is always accompanied by girls who dress,talk, and act nearly identical. This observation was not made in a prison but in a third period grade eleven law class.
It's quite a easy mistake to get the two mixed up really, you have no choice about being put in. Once you're in you have to serve your sentence before being let out and your choices are very limited.
Call me pessimistic but jail serves you three square meals a day, high school you buy over priced reheated food. Jail lets you have contact with friends and family, high school you get your phone taken away for even having it out. Jail give you a option of free post grad education, high school prepares you for student loans and thousands of dollars in tuition.

At least in prison you have something in common with your peers, in high school they throw you all together like a salad bowl and expect you to all get along. They act surprised when we rebel, seriously?

To get technical with it...

Hormonal, self absorbed, horny teenagers + more hormonal,self absorbed, horny teenagers =
DISASTER

In prison they split you based on sex, in high school they put you all together and force you into heath class to “avoid” pregnancy's. The heath class videos are never up to date and at least twenty years old. They reinforce the techniques of abstinence or you will catch STD's and your junk will fall off, only after having a baby that you'll have to drop out of school to take care of.

Don't get me wrong, jail isn't totally different. In both there are guards except in high school we call them teachers. Both have rules, strict schedules and cameras watching our nearly every move. One wrong comment, movement or action and its punishment time for you.

Our punishment strategies in high school mainly consist of detention,suspension and expulsion.
Detention: If the student hates school enough to misbehave shove them in a room of solitude. You're only giving them time to brew up another idea to get themselves into trouble again.
Suspension: I mean if the pupil is aware that school is BS, take him out of it. Staying at home and watching TV and having no homework. That will show them!

Expulsion: Early release, enough said.

No matter how you word it or who you ask, it's hard to deny that most people trudge through high school. You can't avoid it and you aren't going to like it. Just let it be known, if high school is the best years of your life, the rest of your life is going to suck. Just serve your sentence and enjoy the rest of your life, a “free” being.

Christmas was ace!

Hello, I hope Everyone had a wonderful Christmas, because I did. I got a lot of nice gifts, including some pj's, a bath set, a birthstone ring, a harry potter pop out calender and more.You could say I did pretty good this year. The gifts I was most excited for were the ones I got from my dad Fable 3, Harry potter & the Deathly Hallows video game for kinect and Sweeney Todd on blue ray.  As I may or may not have mentioned I live and breathe video games. So i haven't wanted to stop playing since I got it but my siblings got games for the xbox as well so we've been having to switch every couple hours.

I also got a gift card for the book store at my local mall so I went with Liz on boxing day and bought the book Zombies Vs. Unicorns.  Its nerd fighter recommended and Maureen Johnson wrote a few stories and it's been awesome so far. I also bought a journal that said 'Keep Calm and Have a Cupcake" a clear reference to 'Keep Calm and Carry On". I was kinda torn between that journal or a leather journal that had "journal" written on it in cursive and when you turn it upside down it says journal as well. I think i may go back and get it because I still have some Money left on the card. The last thing i got was these cute little erasers for 50% off that said funny little things, "Delete", "Never Happened" & "Do Over". I love them! I have never been so excited to use school supplies, and i couldn't help but think that my friend Jeffrey would like them, maybe I should get him a pack!

Anyways, I have a date with Hot Chocolate,Netflix and some good books :). Happy Holidays1

Flame

Flame

I remember as a child being very confused at the idea of death, aren't we all at some point or another? The thing that scared me the most was that I couldn't plan it, I liked planning things. I wrote down lists of what I wanted to accomplish that day, I was eight at the time so my goals for the day usually consisted of :

• Don't get beat up at school
• Don't call your teacher mommy
• Tell Kyle you have a crush on him
• Drive your bike down the street

I can't say that my need to plan has really gone away but I'm able to deal with the fact that I can't plan death but at the time, oh my death was a scary thing. “If I'm dead, who will play with my barbies?” “Who will drive my bike?” “I just got a A+ on my spelling test! Whats the point if I'm dead?!” I never really grasped that once you die that's it, game over, shut the book.

It took my first real experience with death to open my eyes, I turned eleven around the time my mom had found a perfect babysitter, Gryia. She was caring, liked kids and was close to the house. She was great, but I often thought of things I didn't like about her just because I was eleven and thought I was too old for a babysitter. My thoughts were cold and icy but I loved her, it was impossible not to. When I loved someone it was warm and enough to melt the icy soul of a fragile girl.

The night had settled like any other, my mind was racing as per usual but I tried to relax myself with some television with my youngest brother Alex. We had a cartoon on and I was laughing on que at the appropriate times. I had a cup of juice in my hand on the warn down couch, my mother sobbed a loud cry that was different then the ones I heard before. This was a cry of death, a unfamiliar ringing that sounded like crashing fine china. Something so fragile made a sound so loud and so unforgettable. Her feet rushed together down the stairs, her eyes red and she made the best attempt at a yell she could for all of us to come down stairs. We all started at her until she spoke “ Gryia is dead, she got in a car accident”. It was death and I then knew what happened, you went out.

I learnt something while my tears ran down, you're a fire. You are lite up when you're born. You're a beautiful flame unlike any other, you can either burn or warm up the people around you. She was a flame that was yet to be discovered but was blown out. It took me until then to stop planning death and to let it happen. You can't lite that flame once it's been put out but you can remember the warmth.